Scifiology
Discover the power of pseudoscience,
worship science fiction,
and change your life.
If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion.
--Lafayette Ronald Hubbard (AKA L. Ron Hubbard)
It can be comforting to have simple answers to complex problems. Like attributing stress, problems and mental illness to alien parasites placed in human bodies by a galactic overlord who existed before the universe even existed. Here is the easy path to enlightenment and financial ruin:
- As fresh raw meat to Scifiology, convince yourself that your life is in ruins, and disconnect yourself from family and friends who might convince you otherwise. This works best if you're already vulnerable with low self-esteem. Visit one of our offices for an evaluation where we can gather your personal information and undermine your confidence.
- After you come to realize what a broken, diminished and humiliated wretch you are, Scifiology will get you back in control after you sign contracts and waivers.
- Give your committment and money to the church. Don't worry about this life here and now; just think how much better off you'll be in the future by rejecting reality.
- You will also be rewarded by leveling up, like in a video game. But it's more like golf where the lower the score (e.g. alien parasites in your body) the higher your level.
- Keep paying for cleansing, auditing, counseling, books, courses and other services and materials. Take out loans if you can, as debt is meaningless compared to the glory of your future.
- If you decide to leave Scifiology, members will be required to sever all contact from you, even close family and friends.
